Its 5.30 pm. I turn off my desktop, pull down the blinds, push the files back into the cabinet and move out of my office. As I head towards the main exit I look around. It's already dark outside and except for the security officer at the main door; I was the only one in this huge building. Usually this place is busy and there are people all around running and screaming, unlike today. It is a day before thanksgiving and everyone was rushing to spend time with their near and dear ones. This was my first thanksgiving in USA and to be honest I didn't know what it was all about. At lunch today one of my colleague asked if I was cooking on thanksgiving and I said no. Their next sentence was "Oh great! so that means somebody else is cooking for you". Well I didn't want to raise any more questions so I just smiled and nodded my head. There was no way I was telling them that I was ordering the same old Chinese food for dinner like I do every single day. 

Someone once told me there is just one day when Americans sit and eat their dinner together and it is on thanksgiving. I laughed when I heard it first coz all that came to my mind was people working and driving with sandwich and coffee in their hands. With time I have also become one of them, eating when working. The last time when I actually sat on my dining table and had a full course meal was ages ago. Traditionally, Thanksgiving is a harvest festival and it is celebrated by gathering at home with family or friends for a holiday feast. There was no family or friends waiting for me for dinner tonight. There was no reason for me to be in a hurry and hence I strolled around the streets. I saw people rushing to train stations, may be they were already late for their home. Eventually after getting tired of strolling I get into the train make myself comfortable into a corner seat. I start listening to my iPod and there it starts all over……. Memories from Nepal. I was ok with the fact that I was alone on thanksgiving but these songs just made me nostalgic. Sometimes I wish I didn't carry my iPod as it keeps reminding me of things that I don't want to remember. But in this foreign land it is only my iPod that is my companion for the everyday long journey. As those Nepali songs make their way into my ear canals it gives me a strange feeling…. Feeling of wanting to be with my loved ones and the bitter reality of my lonely life. I was going back to that same apartment that I call home and eat the same Chinese stinking stuff that I call food. 

As the train makes its way, my mind flies to Nepal. For some reason I tend to compare Dashain with thanksgiving. Well the story behind both of these festivals are different but I think it holds the same essence of spending time with the family. However I see a striking difference between the two. I have never seen the excitement in people faces back home like I did here. Young, middle aged, old ages everyone was so excited for this family gathering that marks the beginning of holiday season. However I don't remember seeing that excitement in Nepal. I have spent my 20 years of Dashain in Nepal but never seen people so happy about it. Rather I have seen people getting tensed up about their budgets. Well people do have expenses here but I think they have learnt not to show it and be excited about the get together. People don't have a big joint family here but they don't curb and bitch about others like they do in Nepal. They are not concerned who is getting a new flat HDTV, who's got the biggest solitaire or who is dating whom. They are just happy about seeing their grandparents, their uncles and aunt and meeting their cousins. It compelled me to think, is the social bonding in Nepal really that strong as people claim it to be?? I really was thinking hard.

Before I landed in the USA I was told that the society here was different. They don't care about family values, their social norms are bad, they have free sex and hence I was asked to stay away from becoming like them. But after a year here, I am sorry to say but I defer to all those statements. Sex is not a taboo here but it is also not like what was described to me. The family may meet twice or thrice a year but they know everything that's happening in each other's life. Isn't that what is important? Being close to heart than being close distance wise! Before the readers make further speculations, let me also make something clear, I am not getting Americanized. I am a simple Nepali girl, whose heart is still in those small, filthy streets of my hometown where I grew up. Yes my hometown was small, yes it had filthy, dingy roads, but it was MINE and I will call it my place forever.