From: www.AyoGorkhali.com

May 26th, 2026
Where Chaos Meets Constitution, and Democracy Takes a Tea Break

Good Mornig Nepal!

1. The Multi-Million Rupee Missing Person’s List
Cooperatives Finally Reveal 1,700 People Who Borrowed Money and Generously Forgot to Return It

The Troubled Cooperatives Management Committee has pulled back the curtain of secrecy, proudly publishing the names of 1,770 legendary borrowers from three problematic cooperatives. It turns out that getting your money back from Ghedung, Nagarik Kalyan, and Ideal Yamuna is a lot like waiting for a public bus in Kathmandu—it might exist in theory, but you’re better off walking. Depositors are currently holding their breath, though medical experts advise against it since this financial rescue mission will likely outlive us all. There is a shimmering ray of hope here: at least we now know the names of the people currently funding their luxurious third-home renovations with your grandmother’s life savings.

2. Four Decisions and a Funeral for Common Sense
The Cabinet Gathers to Set Rice Prices and Accomplish Absolutely Nothing Else of Consequence

The Council of Ministers met on Monday to flex their governance muscles, emerging from the smoke-filled room with precisely four brand-new decrees announced by Spokesperson Sasmit Pokharel. Amidst the grand theater of statecraft, the crowning achievement of the day was setting the minimum support price for summer paddy, ensuring our hardworking farmers remain systematically broke, but now with official government documentation. The other three decisions remain beautifully vague, serving as the perfect bureaucratic filler to give the illusion of a functioning executive branch. Yet, hope blooms eternal: if our politicians can finally agree on the price of rice, maybe by the turn of the next century, they will figure out how to keep the streetlights on.

3. The Houdini Act of the Political Elite
Supreme Court Conveniently Evaporates Arrest Warrants for the Deuba Power Couple Using Fresh Government Ordinances

In a masterclass of judicial gymnastics, the Supreme Court ruled that the money laundering arrest warrants against former PM Sher Bahadur Deuba and Arzu Rana are now completely inactive, thanks to a beautifully timed government ordinance. The Kathmandu District Court had boldly issued the warrants in Chaitra, but the newly minted ordinance conveniently shifted the sandbox to the Special Court, leaving the original warrants floating in legal limbo. Critics are calling it a spectacular display of how the law acts as a cozy blanket for the powerful and a cold brick wall for the rest of us. Still, legal eagles assure us the Money Laundering Department could technically apply for new warrants at the Special Court, giving the public a delightful sense of hope that justice isn't dead—it's just taking a very long, fully funded vacation.

4. Six-Figure Salaries for Six-Stitch Boundaries
CAN Renews Contracts, Giving Top Cricketers 1.2 Lakhs a Month to Keep Our National Sanity Intact

The Cricket Association of Nepal (CAN) has released its new central contracts, ensuring that 38 men and 25 women will continue to carry the emotional baggage of an entire country on their shoulders. Rohit Paudel, Dipendra Singh Airee, and Sandeep Lamichhane have ascended to the newly minted 'A Plus' tier, granting them a monthly salary of 1,20,000 RS to hit sixes and spin webs around international batsmen. While the rest of the country navigates a crumbling economy, our top three cricketers can now comfortably afford groceries and perhaps a few premium protein shakes. It is a beautiful reminder that while our political leaders consistently drop the ball, our boys in blue are at least getting paid a decent wage to catch it.

5. Gravity, Grief, and Government Hospital Chaos
Co-Driver Dies After Taking a Fatal Leap from a Moving School Bus, Sparking Hospital Standoff

A tragic reminder of Nepal's transport safety standards unfolded in Udaipur when a 31-year-old school bus co-driver accidentally fell through the door of a moving vehicle and later succumbed to his injuries. The tragedy quickly transformed into a classic bureaucratic thriller at Katari Hospital, where tensions flared over the standard operating procedures of managing the deceased's body. It takes a truly special system to turn a heartbreaking workplace accident into an administrative standoff before the grief can even settle. We can only hope that this needless loss finally inspires school boards to invest in complex, futuristic technology—like properly latching doors and basic safety training for transit staff.

6. The Great Scholarship Hunger Games
Over 26,000 High School Hopefuls Battle for Kathmandu Metropolitan City’s Golden Educational Tickets

Kathmandu Metropolitan City has been flooded with a staggering 26,888 online applications from Grade 11 and 12 students desperately seeking scholarships to escape exorbitant private school tuition. The education department, currently drowning in digital paperwork, has already approved over 23,000 applicants while frantically texting 3,302 kids to fix their typos before the Tuesday deadline. To prevent mass parental panic and total technological collapse, KMC has even set up a physical help desk for families who find online portals more confusing than federal politics. The overwhelming numbers show a bleak reality, but Balen’s administrative help desk offers a genuine glimmer of hope that these kids might actually get a fair shot at a future that doesn't involve a one-way ticket to the Gulf.

7. The Milky Way of Monthly Installments
Government Generously Pays Out 1 Crore Daily to Dairy Farmers Who Have Been Living on Pure Vibes

Agriculture Minister Gita Chaudhary proudly announced that the Dairy Development Corporation (DDC) is finally coughing up 1 crore rupees daily to farmers who haven’t seen a proper paycheck in four long months. Out of a monumental 58 crore rupee backlog of unpaid dues, a grand total of 12 crores has actually reached the farmers, with promises that the rest will magically appear in phases by the end of Ashadh. It is a whimsical system where the government happily consumes the milk today but treats the payment like a long-term, interest-free loan from impoverished villagers. The silver lining here is that our farmers can finally stop practicing subsistence farming through sheer willpower and can actually buy feed for the cows that started this entire financial ecosystem.

8. The Supreme Court Validates Its Own Inbox Filter
Chief Justice Appointment Challenge Dismissed Because the Ceremony Already Happened Anyway

The Supreme Court has officially cleared the air regarding the controversial appointment of the Chief Justice by upholding its own decision to throw the protest petitions straight into the recycling bin. Dr. Prem Raj Silwal and Senior Advocate Dinesh Tripathi tried to argue the process was flawed, but the court smoothly pointed out that since parliamentary hearings are done and the guy is already in the big chair, complaining now is legally irrelevant. It’s a wonderful legal precedent: if you break the rules fast enough to complete the ritual, the validity of the ritual becomes entirely unquestionable. There is deep comfort in knowing that our judiciary is so efficient at protecting itself from the pesky nuisance of public accountability.

9. Balen Takes the Global Stage Over Morning Tea
Prime Minister Shah Calls a Huddle with European Diplomats to Discuss the Fate of the Realm

In a power move that must be causing severe heartburn in traditional political party offices, Prime Minister Balendra Shah has scheduled a high-level morning meeting with EU ambassadors and mission chiefs at Singh Durbar. This marks his second major diplomatic assembly since Chaitra, proving that the executive branch is perfectly happy to bypass conventional backroom politics to talk international cooperation directly over premium biscuits. While traditional politicians are still arguing over who gets which parking spot, the capital’s leadership is busy projecting an aura of actual governance to foreign dignitaries. This gives us a refreshing dose of hope that perhaps someone in the building is actually focused on development goals rather than just splitting the state treasury.
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Sita Rana

Chief Sunrise Satirist

Sita distills the daily chaos into nine bite-sized jokes so you can digest the news before your tea gets cold or the Kathmandu smog makes it impossible to see the paper.